Our sincere strivings to reconcile the trial and faith is a life-long pursuit. We get to learn and re-learn the same lessons we’ve already learned, but over time we have more and more to reflect upon, more experiences to draw upon that remind us we weren’t left alone before, and we most certainly won’t be now. It doesn’t change the pain. That’s real, but it does direct our HOPE.
I woke up this morning to a barrage of emails filled with encouraging, expressions of understanding and love. I can’t thank you enough! Our experiences are not unique. None of us are islands and the fact that we can relate to one another at such an authentic human level is actually uplifting.
Many of you sighted the uncanny parallel to this week’s study in the Doctrine and Covenants of Joseph Smith’s writings from Liberty jail where he was imprisoned through the cold dark months of winter, separated from friends and family, being fed poisoned, or rotten food, in a cellar so low that they were unable to stand up fully, and with guards who mocked and deriled them at every turn.
In his deepest distress, he called out, “Oh God, where art thou? Where is the pavilion that covers thy hiding place?”
His anguish and deprivations lead him, even as it did the Savior, to ask “Oh God, why have you forsaken me?” But had he not shared how he was really feeling, would we recognize the miracle of one of the most marvelously consoling revelations in scripture that followed? “My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment. And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee... “adding to the assurance in (D&C 90:24) that “all things shall work together for thy good.”
That’s powerful! It’s sacred and profoundly powerful because it didn’t come under a rainbow, sipping lemonade by the cool river. It came when he was suffering and in in pain. I take great strength in that!
I know I expressed pain because pain is real. But it won’t last. I know we’ll immerge from this challenge and be ready for another one of a different sort. As we have immerged in the past, God has blessed us to see the miracles of all the little things that make a difference. All the little evidences that He’s there.
YOU dear friends and family are foremost among them! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing them! I can’t respond to all of them, but they are a salve I am strengthened by and I file them in a folder I consider to be personal scripture. In the end we ALL re-discover the source of peace.
Many letters came this week from missionaries as well. They, however did NOT know we were struggling and so their words of gratitude were even sweeter. “President I just felt like I wanted to let you know how much you’ve helped me...” and others like it.
Missionaries pass through our home many, many times during a week. Friday evening after the all-day training we had done amidst delivering 6 missionaries to the airport in 4 separate groups, and with only hours to prepare to give a skills training and spiritual workshop the next day, 2 sister missionaries brought some supplies for us to take the next morning. They knew nothing of the pressures of the day or the week in general, and yet before they left, Sister Fewell asked, “Sister Collins, can we leave you with a prayer?”
The three of us stood in a tiny little circle with our arms wrapped tightly around each other while she prayed one of the most beautiful prayers I’ve ever felt. I don’t remember a word, but I remember what I felt as a warm blanket of peace just wrapped us up together.
We stood there when her simple prayer was done and didn’t move. I was sobbing quietly and took them in my arms to tell them they had no idea the gift they’d given me. Aaaaalll those missionaries who have come through our door and Sis Fewell and Sis Davis, who were simply making a delivery, thought to offer a prayer with me on THAT day of all days! They had no idea the stress we were feeling as we prepared to invite our missionaries to make some more difficult changes the next day.
Before a group of missionaries, we asked Elder Toupo, who was leaving for home next, to offer the spiritual thought. Of all the things he could have said, it was this... “Over the course of my mission, I have learned the Doctrine of Christ and all about Christlike attributes, but when Pres Collins came it opened my eyes to personal revelation, ordinances and covenants;
to love and charity, how to love our investigating friends enough to lift them, that there is a sequence of things; that it doesn’t make sense to follow the prophet, but not follow the Bishop or not love our companion.
If you love Pres. and sister Collins, and I know you do, that will begin with loving your companion. I hear you say, ‘Oh I love sis Collins, she loves us so much.’ ‘Oh I can feel President Collins loves the missionaries, but we need to show our love for them in return, by loving each other, by loving the people we teach and by wanting only what’s best for them!”
The fact that he saw that from us was also a beautiful gift because it was indeed what we had hoped would “stick.”
I know we just have to keep our focus on the charity part, the lifting part and feel confident that God is there with us, regardless of how many Giants are in the same frame.
He sends us just what we need when we need it- doesn’t he?
We’re so blessed that among all the rest, he also sent us YOU! We feel your strength, your love, your support and your trust in the Father of us all! Our beloved mentor and mission trainer whose voice of confidence still rings in our ears as we teach, shared these words just moments ago I’d like to end with.
When through deep waters, I call thee to go.
The rivers of sorrow shall not thee o’re flow,
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.
When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply.
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.
To all of you who feel as we have, there is hope. We won’t give up will we! We will keep going because we know to whom we belong and why we’re here! And most importantly we know that He is capable of turning all things for our good!
