We’ll we had another opportunity to speak, but this time it was with Elder Matt Holland at a stake conference in Monett, MO. and... I had NO SUCH EXPERIENCE! In fact, after giving the talk I HAD prepared and didn’t even feel much of anything at all. I had prayed about it as I prepared it, but because I tried not to use my notes and speak from my heart, I think I may have missed the main point I was trying to get to in the first place! It felt so UN-inspired when I was done! The contrast was palatable and made me question myself severely.
Then to make matters worse, after Rick stood and spoke- Elder Holland got up and lead a whole 45-minute discussion based on what everyone had felt impressed to do or change because of what they’d heard so far that night. There had only been 3 short testimonies from members of the stake before Rick and I stood so my heart just sank! I wrote in the notebook I held on my lap, “I’m deflated! I’ve not provided anything of substance for anyone to hold on to. How could I have let them down like this. Why doesn’t it feel like last time? I need to figure this out!“
I still don’t know how to reconcile it, and I have much to learn about my role, but I want to get better. I did learn from that experience that it really isn’t about us in the first place. If a person comes with a prayer in their heart and prepared to learn and hear God’s personal message to them, the spirit will carry it into their heart and tailor it to their needs- regardless of what we share. In fact, there were those who came up afterward and told us what had been impressed upon them while we spoke that we didn’t even say. I love how personal revelation works! Its PERSONAL for a reason! 10 people may hear the same message and yet all give a different emphasis and meaning for themselves! It’s one of those wonderful miracles I get to keep discovering. I know if I just keep showing up and doing my best to bring the spirit, the rest will follow.
One of the highlights (and anxieties) for me recently was getting a text from a young woman in our ward asking if she could meet with me. She acknowledged how busy I was, but said the spirit had repeatedly whispered she should reach out to me. It took 3 weeks to get our schedules to align and when they finally did, I said a silent prayer that I’d know what to say since she’d not shared the reason.
She admitted she didn’t exactly know what she wanted to talk about, but felt the same thing with me and Pres. Collins as she had when she heard Sis. Bonnie Cordon speak in their ward some time ago and wanted to feel that again. Now that’s pressure! Bonnie Cordon is one of the most remarkable women I know and if I were even as bright a light as she has in her pinky finger, I’d glow to the moon and back!
We had a wonderful discussion for the next hour and I hoped there was something in all the different things we addressed that could boost her and give her the confidence she needed, but more importantly know how precious she was to her Father in Heaven. Like many youth, she has a full schedule balancing school activities, grades, sports, expectations at home, leadership responsibilities, deciding what to do after graduation, and normal friend drama, but I promised her she was enough!
I have no way of knowing whether I hit the mark she had intended, but once again, I have to trust that anyone coming so prayerfully to such a meeting, intently seeking to hear answers and direction for herself, will be able to take away something of value.
I wrote a very lengthy letter to her later as I had some time for more impressions to come. I invited her to do a few things to, including read her patriarchal blessing and look for the words of affirmation and confidence expressed in her!
So much of what youth hear is all the ways in which they fall short. I love to celebrate all the good they are striving to do too.
I can’t help but think of all my young women back in Midvale and the lives their trying to navigate. I pray constantly for them as well. No one you’ve ever loved goes away just because you move. I’ll love them forever! I marvel at their strength and abilities and unselfish desires of youth today as they try to turn outward and away from the daily stresses that would pull them deeper inside themselves.
We’ve been on the road for 5 days, completing 4 separate zone conferences and interviews. It’s electrifying to be with the missionaries in smaller groups like this as it sparks such enthusiastic participation and more robust discussions! Not sure we can keep it up to do 10 separate events each transfer cycle, but it’s working well so far! Rick completes the interviews in the afternoon while the young missionary leadership and I offer workshops. He has been able to make it back in to wrap up with all of us at the conclusion and end with testimonies. Which is a wonderful way to end a conference!
There are still a couple of hard- ballers who can’t quite see their way toward change. I suppose it will always be that way, but for the vast majority, they are experiencing miracles, because they:
“Are Willingly Obedient, Full of Charity, Work with diligence, and Expect Miracles!”
Traits we’ve coined as our Mission moto along with “Match the Message!”
I can’t end this week without expressing my love for my Heavenly Father. For the trust He’s placed in me and Rick to figure this all out and learn to rely on Him for absolutely everything! Not a day goes by where something I’ve studied in my personal study hasn’t been just the right thing to share with a missionary. We get to give hugs to sweet sisters and Elders who need a boost from a momma & papa figure. We get to invite them to higher ground and cheer their baby steps. We have a front row seat to the miraculous changes of so many of God’s children who choose to be more closely yoked to Him! And always, always, we find that the more we learn about Christ, the more we love Him! The more we love Him, the more we want to be like Him! I know He lives and directs this church today through living prophets! What a gift we’ll have to be able to listen to them next weekend and hear more direction for our lives that can bring us closer to our Father!
If you haven’t yet seen it, Rick and I hosted a live Facebook event entitled “HOW THEY FOUND HIM” last night: It’s on our Mission created FaceBook page called “Find Him” being modeled by missions world-wide.
It’s only 45 minutes long and contains the personal stories of 4 people who were invited to share their journey to Christ and His Restored church. All are fascinating (especially the last one!!!) You can hear a “Arkansanian” in all his country glory- bear his soul! It was a privilege to be a part of it and marked yet another opportunity to over-come a fear. This time of being caught LIVE with no safety-net if something went wrong... Give it a look-see. It now has 4K views!
Have a phenomenal week ya’ll! “Search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good!” (D&C 90:24) Remember you are loved!
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